Overcoming Comparison <br/>

Hi LADIES...Oh MY WORD...it’s been WAY TOO LONG, and it feels good to be back!! Life happened and I put this blog thing on the back burner. I’ll fill you guys in on that in another post, but for now I want to chat about COMPARISON. Yep, the lovely topic that we have all struggled with in some way, shape, or form. I recently spoke at a breakout session during Echo Conference (an INCREDIBLE women’s conference you have to attend! REGISTER HERE for Echo 2021) about ‘Overcoming Comparison’ and some ladies asked if it was recorded since they could not attend. Unfortunately, it was not. So, I’m going to attempt to write this post in its place! My prayer is that this blog will expose how I’ve overcome comparison and hopefully help you walk with more confidence. I have definitely had my fair share of comparison issues with body image, my finances, my career/life choices, and even how I decorate my house. While scrolling Pinterest, I have literally compared my kitchen counter tops to an aesthetically pleasing pin…..WHAT IN THE WORLD? I know, it sounds insane, but surely, I’m not the only one that has been on the comparison struggle bus.

Causes of Comparison

Before we get into the goods, I think it’s important to identify a couple types of comparison as well as some of the causes of comparison. First, there’s the typical comparison with others whether that be on social media, with friends, family members, or even coworkers. For me, it’s that late night Instagram scroll while I’m lying on the couch in my PJ’s. I’m in a topknot, with hair that hasn’t been washed in a week, and bags under my eyes the size of golf balls. I’ll see a fitness guru with rock hard abs and 5% body fat and start comparing my flab and stretch marks. Or, I’ll see a boss babe building her six figure business poolside while I’m over here trying to figure out how to pay off all my debt. LOL. All toxic thoughts that cause nothing but harm to my self-worth and hinder me from standing confident in who God has called me to be.

Then, there is comparison to expectations we put on ourselves, or standards we get from social norms. For example, by your junior year of college you should be sure what career path you’re going to take, and of course have a job lined up to follow. Or by 30, you should be debt-free, investing, and married to the love of your life with kids. Let’s not forget working at your dream job and vacationing every summer at your beach condo. There are so many expectations we put on ourselves and standards we burden ourselves with that are doing nothing but adding stress and anxiety.

We also get caught up in comparison when we set unrealistic goals for ourselves that we do not meet and follow up with. We see other boss babes crushing their goals and wonder what’s wrong and why we can’t get our life together. Perhaps, you’re not being realistic about what you are capable of in your particular season. I have been there so many times setting 15 different goals without the capacity to truly fulfill them all.

Insecurities and discontentment are other causes of comparison and people are often scared to expose who they truly are. We struggle with accepting our weaknesses, so how in the world do we expect this from others. The truth of the matter is, most of us are not secure in who God created us to be and focus too much on the areas that we lack. In high school, I struggled with my confidence and would have to pray daily, “God, please let me see myself the way that you see me.” When I position myself in the posture of seeing myself and others through the lenses of how God sees them, it makes all the difference in my confidence and how I treat others.

Alright…. Now for the goods and what you’re really here for!

How to OVERCOME COMPARISON

1. CONFIDENCE- Believe you have a UNIQUE contribution to the world!!

Like Gandhi states, “ Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.” The foundation of overcoming comparison is believing that you are UNIQUE and have a UNIQUE contribution to this world. You are ENOUGH. There is only one YOU, no prototype, no duplicate...only YOU BOO BOO! Once you accept and believe that YOU ARE UNIQUE and have something special to offer the world, your struggle with comparison will begin to fade. You will begin to see others with an advantage as inspiration. Now, I know you’re thinking, ‘easier said than done Tiffany’ and it most definitely is. What I’m certain of, is that words of affirmation have the power to change your current beliefs. Soooo… what can help change your beliefs is literally saying...out loud, “ I AM UNIQUE and have a UNIQUE contribution to the world.” I do this often, and yes, it seems crazy (especially when I’m driving down South Florida), but it has made such a difference in what I believe about myself. Soooo...next time you have negative thoughts about who you are, I want you to start yelling “I AM UNIQUE and have a UNIQUE contribution to the world. The world needs what I have to offer. No one else can bring what I have to this world.”

Sometimes this is difficult when we are confused about our uniqueness, or what we can offer. We often have a hard time believing that we were fearfully and wonderfully made. If you find yourself battling with confusing thoughts about your self-worth, I encourage you to carve out some uninterrupted time to spend with God to help bring clarity. The Bible says that God is not an author of confusion. So, when you are battling with confusing thoughts, it is just a distraction and hindrance from self-discovery and an opportunity to persevere. Fight the distractions and be still. Create space for God to reveal all your uniqueness and the wonderful things you have to make this world a better place and most importantly help you stand confident in who God created you to be!

2. CAUSES- Identify what causes you to compare.

Another way to overcome comparison is to know what causes your thoughts to spiral into comparison. Although this can look very different for people, it’s important to be able to identify what these “triggers,” may be so that you can determine how to establish the right boundaries. For me, social media can cause comparison and I have to be careful with how much time I spend scrolling and ensure that I’m in a good head space when I am on social media. I may be the only one, but after a long day and a mindless scroll, I can catch myself wondering these thoughts “what the heck am I doing with my life?…. Why am I not on a yacht living my dream life?…..How does she does she do it all?….. Or, heck yeah I need those shoes...SWIPE UP.” Although social media has so many positives, it can be damaging if you’re not secure in yourself. When I catch myself out of rhythm or struggling with insecurities, social media is the first thing I put limitations on. For you, it may not be social media and it may be a family member that is constantly telling you what you should be doing, or standards that you set for yourself that are unrealistic. It can also be the voices that you allow to influence your decisions. It’s so important to ensure that you are only allowing the necessary people and influences in your life that want the best for you. Take some time and be honest with yourself on what your “trigger,” may be and be disciplined enough to set up the needed boundaries.

3. CONTENTMENT- Find contentment in your season.

Being content in your current season is a HUGE factor in overcoming comparison. This is especially true if your reality is not what you expected for your life. I have been there at times when I was not happy with certain areas of my life and things didn’t go as planned. During one of the sessions at Echo conference, my pastors talked about their infertility journey and it brought me back to my battle with infertility. At Echo 2018, I struggled to find hope in my situation (when so many people around me were getting pregnant and having babies) and Echo 2019, I was 8 months pregnant with Nash. Echo 2020, Nash was sleeping in my arms during the infertility session. Holy TEARS. It was such a beautiful revelation of how God moved in my situation, and how his timing is perfect. To be honest, I didn’t handle my waiting season well and found myself mad at God. Trusting God’s timing is much easier said than done but so crucial to standing confidently and fighting comparison. Being CONTENT in seasons of waiting, even when things don’t make sense, brings forth so much freedom and allows you to have peace in the midst of your struggles.

It’s also important to stay in your lane and be confident in that. Often times we cause a lot of hurt because we burden ourselves to live a lifestyle that we are not built for. Now more than ever, we need people staying in their lane and positively contributing to this world that desperately needs hope. When we are crossing lanes and try to live out pathways not meant for us, things get messy. We can also live unfulfilled as we live outside of what we’re created to do. Most importantly, people are missing out on what you have to offer.

I can talk about this topic for hours and it pains me to see women caught up in comparison, not living out their potential and trying to prove their worth in so many avenues. I know, because I’ve been there and for so many years, I was not confident or comfortable in my own skin. At one point, I was even editing my photos to look skinnier...like really? For what? I’m not J-Lo making money off my image, LOL. I was caught up in so many different identities and allowed myself to invest in things that could easily be stripped from me. I’m so thankful to be in a good place where I accept my imperfections and don’t allow myself to compromise my worth. My hope and prayer is that if you struggle with comparison, you will be able to implement a few of these tips and live confident in your own skin, standing proud in the fact that you have something UNIQUE to offer the world.

XO,

Tiffany Colle

Books & scripture that can help you to overcome comparison!

Without Rival: by Lisa Bevere order
Comparison Trap(devotional): by Sandra Stanley order
I’m Happy for you (Sort of...Not Really : Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison ): by Kay Willis Wymna
Seated with Christ: Living Freely in a Culture of Comparison: by Heather Hollema

Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”